I sulk, I storm, I rage,
I weep, I snivel,
But they stand quietly by my ravaged body.
They truly epitomise true friendship.
Or are just really daft
Aah! Love the tender emotion that holds together so many millions. You were brought up surrounded by love grew up and sought love in your own age group. Once you find it engulfs you in a web of soft silken emotion. The pain of separation, the passion of union the longing the, feeling of belonging, funny, it doesn’t mean a thing to me. I’ve never felt any of it, despite being told repeatedly, on TV and in the movies what it should be, it remains utterly foreign to me. Am I lesser for lack of experience, does it make me less human? Would I like to be in love yes! It seems an integral part of the human experience, I just don’t know how to go about falling in love. I guess it’s a bit like faith either you have it or you don’t (I don’t have that either). Maybe its because I’m a single child; I love myself too much and I think I’m god!
Seriously though, are my lack of faith and lack of success in love interrelated or entirely separate phenomena? It wouldn’t surprise me if they were linked. Don’t get me wrong though, I don’t consider my lack of faith as any deficiency on my part. I do however acknowledge that a number of factors in my upbringing allowed me to question my faith, but that doesn’t mean my lack of faith is merely a consequence of my upbringing. There were a number of conscious decisions and a lot of thought that went into making me an atheist.
Now my question, are the two phenomena similar in nature? Is my inability to experience love resultant from some factor in my childhood, strengthened by some unconscious decisions made by me later on in life.
I have problems being close to anyone, I often pride myself in being able to maintain a distance from friends, I don’t know why. Sometimes I’ll feel intense loyalty for a friend and at other times I feel claustrophobic in relationships. Sometimes I like think about the little boy who would get down on his knees screw his eyes shut, fold his small hands and in all of his earnest innocence think that god would hear him if he just prayed enough.
The mood swings; sometimes I honestly think I have PMS without all the actual bleeding. My moods are fantastic, I can go from boisterously happy to foul-mouthed irritability in a space of under 60 seconds. I seriously wonder how people can keep up with me, I pity and am at the same time in awe of my friends for having to or being able to tolerate me. Why do they still talk to me they must be really nice people or too polite to tell me to fuck off. I know I wouldn’t be able to tolerate me.
I know how aware people are of my temperament, I have often noticed people cautiously edging around situations that they know will provoke me. I often feel guilty for inspiring such fear in my best friends, but I just don’t feel like changing the way I am.
I weep, I snivel,
But they stand quietly by my ravaged body.
They truly epitomise true friendship.
Or are just really daft
Aah! Love the tender emotion that holds together so many millions. You were brought up surrounded by love grew up and sought love in your own age group. Once you find it engulfs you in a web of soft silken emotion. The pain of separation, the passion of union the longing the, feeling of belonging, funny, it doesn’t mean a thing to me. I’ve never felt any of it, despite being told repeatedly, on TV and in the movies what it should be, it remains utterly foreign to me. Am I lesser for lack of experience, does it make me less human? Would I like to be in love yes! It seems an integral part of the human experience, I just don’t know how to go about falling in love. I guess it’s a bit like faith either you have it or you don’t (I don’t have that either). Maybe its because I’m a single child; I love myself too much and I think I’m god!
Seriously though, are my lack of faith and lack of success in love interrelated or entirely separate phenomena? It wouldn’t surprise me if they were linked. Don’t get me wrong though, I don’t consider my lack of faith as any deficiency on my part. I do however acknowledge that a number of factors in my upbringing allowed me to question my faith, but that doesn’t mean my lack of faith is merely a consequence of my upbringing. There were a number of conscious decisions and a lot of thought that went into making me an atheist.
Now my question, are the two phenomena similar in nature? Is my inability to experience love resultant from some factor in my childhood, strengthened by some unconscious decisions made by me later on in life.
I have problems being close to anyone, I often pride myself in being able to maintain a distance from friends, I don’t know why. Sometimes I’ll feel intense loyalty for a friend and at other times I feel claustrophobic in relationships. Sometimes I like think about the little boy who would get down on his knees screw his eyes shut, fold his small hands and in all of his earnest innocence think that god would hear him if he just prayed enough.
The mood swings; sometimes I honestly think I have PMS without all the actual bleeding. My moods are fantastic, I can go from boisterously happy to foul-mouthed irritability in a space of under 60 seconds. I seriously wonder how people can keep up with me, I pity and am at the same time in awe of my friends for having to or being able to tolerate me. Why do they still talk to me they must be really nice people or too polite to tell me to fuck off. I know I wouldn’t be able to tolerate me.
I know how aware people are of my temperament, I have often noticed people cautiously edging around situations that they know will provoke me. I often feel guilty for inspiring such fear in my best friends, but I just don’t feel like changing the way I am.
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