Just a random collection of questions that have been haunting me for quite some time, stuff I had to say, just I couldn't, not to anyone I know, so I put it up on the net (!), anywho, no poetry will result from all of this.
For Zee: It all remains as it always was, it’s just the conditions you laid down are too difficult for me to handle, I’ve tried, honestly I have but it just eats me up inside.
How long can you live disconnected from reality before everything around you comes crashing down on you? How disastrous would it be if everything you live is carefully constructed in your own head, how fucked up would it be if one of those flimsy playing cards that you stacked so carefully, so painstakingly into formation with about fifty million others, just one, slipped bringing the whole damned thing crashing down around you, leaving you stranded in the ruins of your pointless cardboard existence. How long and to what extent can you deny the obvious before reality screeching past, deafens you?
Just how much would you give up and ignore, just for the chance, for the remote possibility that what you want so badly may come to pass? To what extent would you suppress your ego, how much of your pride could you swallow for a fleeting moment of happiness.
Is standing in the face of obvious defeat the ultimate act of heroism or is it complete and utter stupidity.
I don’t think I’m ready to figure any of this out yet, but I guess that’s a good thing because if I had all the answers all ready and polished, I wouldn’t have seen and felt a lot of things, stuff I hope I will eventually be able to look back on without regret.
