Alone in the dusk and the damp and the cold

Can you feel your heart sink, feel it drop below your stomach and out your ass? Thumping violently behind your ribs, trying to break out of it's cage. It feels like a ton of tough sinewy muscle, that pounds at your chest, your lungs compress for lack of space, your breath shortens, your arms tremble and fingers have a life of their own, hitting every key on the keyboard except the one you were aiming for.
Your thoughts rush by your consciousness like speeding cars and you, standing hopelessly in the middle of a highway trying to make sense of it all the moment you see one and the moment it registers is the moment it's gone, whoosh, there goes another back into the darkness from which it emerged. Not enough time for it to register, so you strain your eyes and scan the darkness in front of you hoping that if you are attentive enough, you'll catch the next one before it disappears into oblivion.
And there you are your heart has abandoned you, your eyes are failing you, your head does not know what to make of it and and most of all you are along.
Those memories that you clung so tight to your chest squeezing them to you like your very life depended on having them next to you, they have wriggled and twisted and shot out of your grasp and you are left holding yourself against the damp and the dusk and the cold.
Then in the night you hear the sway of a hip and the brush of warmth and the smell of cloth against skin and the pulse of blood against vein. You look up again and the clouds part and the moon shoots through acned against the jet blackblue of the night sky and the stars twinkle as if just for you and you know it's okay. You know you'll survive the night.
But then what of the memories what of the scent embedded under your skin, you scratch and you tear and it won't leave, it's embedded itself in your glands and pours out with your sweat and tour tears. You toil and are reminded, you cry and can't forget.
You are cursed with the memories that don't want you they lie to you, they flit up you your ears and whisper sweet nothings to you then poke you eyes out when you look their way.
Evil fairies with their black feathery wings and little black stilettos and goth make up. They buzz around your head, they show you visions, they mock you and then wipe your tears, they prick you with needles and brand your flesh. They seduce you and then laugh when you step towards them. Laugh and take flight and laugh some more as you stumble towards them blinded and deafened and dumb.